Why Does the Ice Cream Truck Drive Mach 2 Through My Neighborhood?

Does this scene play out in your neighborhood too? Your child could be listening to Nicki Minaj through headphones turned all the way up in a sound proof room but THEY ARE GOING TO HEAR THAT ICE CREAM TRUCK COMING! Nothing gets them out the door faster than, “Oh no, now it’s stuck in my head…all the little fishes do the hoochie coochie dance” song. Never mind the fact they have no cash on them, Mom will catch up and come to the rescue with dollar bills in a minute or two. Then they begin to wait. And wait. And wait. You can hear the bloomin’ thing all over the neighborhood, but when is it coming down OUR street? All of a sudden it appears around the corner and like Danica Patrick it whizzes past leaving a trail of destruction that looks something like this:

Are all these drivers on the lamb or something? Maybe that’s what you get to do when you’re on the witness protection program. I guess it’s better than being six feet under.

Of course, if you’re lucky enough to be driving this particular truck I can possibly understand why you’d be breaking the sound barrier:

Don’t drop the soap, er…change!

Miraculously, in his rear-view mirror the driver suddenly sees you waving frantically as he passes by. Maybe he has kids too and knows you are trying to avoid an impending meltdown. He stops so fast you wonder how he didn’t get plastered in the back of the head with frozen heath bars. Finally, he pulls up and all is right with the world again. The kids get their strawberry crunch. Mom gets her chocolate with peanuts and with that, peace is restored to the household. At least until the pizza delivery guy shows up with the wrong order.

Little Girl Photo Credit
Photo Credit Ice Cream truck handing ice cream to lady
Photo Credit Big Gay Ice Cream Truck

I’ve Gone Braless for Months and Never Felt Better

Funny, one of those coincidental things happened today. I was pondering writing about bra burning for my next post and my husband told me about this article he had read on a French study which found that bras are actually bad for us. Go figure.

I decided to quit wearing them because they are so damn uncomfortable. My main problem is with the straps constantly falling down like a piece of hair in your eyes that drives you nucking-futs. Add boobie sweats to that in the summer and you have a recipe for a grumpy woman. In addition to these issues, I’ve been having trouble with the range of motion in my left arm and putting on a bra is no longer an easy matter.

Still, there are times when you need to be respectable and can’t go around with your headlights on. My answer to that is wearing an easy to pull on tank top or something similar under a regular sweater or shirt. At least I don’t look like Miley Cyrus that way. Wait, what am I saying? I’d give my right arm to look like Miley Cyrus. Oh crap that’s my good arm, can’t do that.

My apologies to Victoria’s Secret but under-wire bras are instruments of torture,plain and simple. Sure, guys like to look at those 10 women in the world who actually look good in them but at what cost?

Incidentally, actual bra burning came about when the feminist movement of the 1960’s got into full swing, though there is some debate over whether or not bras were actually burned or just thrown in the trash can. Word has it some hapless boulder holders were found smoldering.

In all honesty, I have gone sans bra for months and I don’t miss them one little bit.

Don’t even get me started on thong underwear.

Photo Credit

Ten Things on my Kitchen Table

Sometimes I just get lazy and write a goofy ass post. This is one of them.

Ten things on my kitchen table:

1. An empty glass
2. A near empty roll of toilet paper
3. An air filter for my car-still new in the box
4. 3 spools of craft ribbon
5. A Nintendo DS in the box
6. Sunday comics from several weeks ago
7. 3 packages of clothespins
8. Targets for BB gun shooting practice
9. A new tablecloth still in the package
10. The old Christmas tablecloth I still need to get rid of (Hey, I was waiting until it was completely obscured by paint, glue and spilled drinks.)

What’s on YOUR table?
Photo Credit

Ads Not By This Site

Is anyone else so tired of this crap they want to send Dr. Oz back to see the wonderful wizard?  His weight loss miracle sounds great and all of that but do I really need to be reminded of it every stinkin’ time I go online?

What about those Asian girls who are always wanting to chat?  As good-looking as they are I find it hard to believe they don’t have a boyfriend yet.  Maybe they checked out the public arrest records of potential suitors and decided to look for greener pastures.

Does anyone know that guy the power companies are said to be in fear of, you know, that distant relative of Tesla?  Or was it Benjamin Franklin?

Have you figured out how to benefit from the weird insurance loophole in your state yet?  If so, could you please give me a heads up?

E-cigarettes, I don’t even get it.  Do you still need a lighter or should we just save those for rock concerts and lighting candles?

And just out of curiosity, whatever happened to the good ol’ National Enquirer tabloid?  I don’ t recall seeing one for quite some time.

Well, if you’ll excuse me I need to go reply to an email from that guy who wants to give me 250k for mailing Odie to Abu Dhabi for him.

You there, reading this post.  Hey, hey, don’t click on that!