I have been wrestling with this question off and on for years. Having grown up in a dysfunctional family I’m starting to question a lot of things I never really thought about when I was younger. Don’t get me wrong, I was raised by loving parents and had a good childhood. Since I have become an adult I have begun to understand there is some mental illness in the family.

small_2500644518One person in particular has taken on the role of family bully. I’ll call this person “bully”. Bully has always been a bit different but I have never really had a problem with this person. I have been told bully is very jealous of me and I could never understand why. Years ago when my husband and I got married I asked bully to be in our wedding. At first bully said yes, then wound up backing out and didn’t even come to the ceremony at all.

Bully had a way of turning things around, like claiming a thank you was never received for a gift even though I know for certain it was. But it never really came to the front burner of my mind because this was petty stuff I didn’t choose to dwell on.

Over the past few months bully has escalated the attention-seeking and manipulative efforts. Bully tried to reel me in to help with attacks on other family members and that is when a light bulb finally came on for me. I refused to be reeled in but kept trying to be friendly with bully. Bully then started buttering me up with things like cards in the mail and a very generous(for Bully) Christmas gift to my daughter. In retrospect I realize I was being “Hoovered” (Sucked in). The other family members started breaking off contact with bully, but I hung in there determined not to give up on the relationship. Finally I got tired of listening to the constant voice mails belittling the rest of the family and decided it was time for some tough love. I let bully know I would not be a part of any sick games and told bully to take responsibility for bully’s own actions.

Then bully turned against me and sent me a very nasty email saying my husband should leave me and take our daughter with him, among other things. At that point I, too broke off all contact with bully and I have to say things have been a lot more peaceful. Bully then tried to reel my husband in and recruit him against me but that didn’t work.

Still, I was left with some grief over the loss (temporary or not) of what I had thought was a good relationship. I know it takes two to make any relationship what it is. But I also understand the Bible’s teaching of shaking the sand off your shoes and moving on when there is nothing else you can do.
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