I have been wrestling with this question off and on for years. Having grown up in a dysfunctional family I’m starting to question a lot of things I never really thought about when I was younger. Don’t get me wrong, I was raised by loving parents and had a good childhood. Since I have become an adult I have begun to understand there is some mental illness in the family.
One person in particular has taken on the role of family bully. I’ll call this person “bully”. Bully has always been a bit different but I have never really had a problem with this person. I have been told bully is very jealous of me and I could never understand why. Years ago when my husband and I got married I asked bully to be in our wedding. At first bully said yes, then wound up backing out and didn’t even come to the ceremony at all.
Bully had a way of turning things around, like claiming a thank you was never received for a gift even though I know for certain it was. But it never really came to the front burner of my mind because this was petty stuff I didn’t choose to dwell on.
Over the past few months bully has escalated the attention-seeking and manipulative efforts. Bully tried to reel me in to help with attacks on other family members and that is when a light bulb finally came on for me. I refused to be reeled in but kept trying to be friendly with bully. Bully then started buttering me up with things like cards in the mail and a very generous(for Bully) Christmas gift to my daughter. In retrospect I realize I was being “Hoovered” (Sucked in). The other family members started breaking off contact with bully, but I hung in there determined not to give up on the relationship. Finally I got tired of listening to the constant voice mails belittling the rest of the family and decided it was time for some tough love. I let bully know I would not be a part of any sick games and told bully to take responsibility for bully’s own actions.
Then bully turned against me and sent me a very nasty email saying my husband should leave me and take our daughter with him, among other things. At that point I, too broke off all contact with bully and I have to say things have been a lot more peaceful. Bully then tried to reel my husband in and recruit him against me but that didn’t work.
Still, I was left with some grief over the loss (temporary or not) of what I had thought was a good relationship. I know it takes two to make any relationship what it is. But I also understand the Bible’s teaching of shaking the sand off your shoes and moving on when there is nothing else you can do.
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